Yoga refugees at Downtown Yoga: The Rufuge by Arin Trook

What happens when Yosemite National Park and the El Portal community can’t go home due to landslides and snowstorms? Read on and find out! Written by Balanced Rock Foundation’s program director Arin Trook.

The Refuge

Yoga is a practice of refuge. Slow the breath, turn the gaze inward, find a place of stillness. These are both aspects of the path, as well as the destination, for yoga practice. Yoga, in its literal translation, is union. Union of breath and body, union of spirit and mind, and union of self and other, the coming together of community in yoga, in union.

All wonderful and inspiring (if a bit uber-groovy) words. And yet the afternoon of the Storm, the first day of Spring, we were reminded of these truths in a very real way.

The First Day of Spring Storm hit Mariposa and Yosemite hard. Heavy rain and thick snow had toppled hundreds of trees, washed literally tons of stone and mud across highways, covered the high roads with thick drifts of snow. Much of the area lost power, and every road in and around Yosemite National Park was closed. Returning from a trip, my family and I had missed the last window to return home, arriving at the Highway 140 closure just minutes after the last car was allowed through. We waited out the night, and the next day, with the road still closed, began to bide our time in Mariposa. We anxiously wondered if we would be able to get home any time this week, wondering about work, about pets, about friends and family and homes. There were rumors of tree branches fallen through rooftops, power lines laying across most of El Portal’s roads.

Unable to really rest, we poked our head into the Downtown Yoga studio. And we were not alone. One by one, the El Portal refugees began to arrive, everyone trapped away from home, simply waiting. Jen Meno, as always the most gracious of hosts, had hot tea ready for us all, and soon began nudging us out onto yoga mats. Gentle music was soon on the new sound system, and one by one, individual yoga practices began.

For me, the time we spent in the Downtown Yoga studio as refugees was one of the most beautiful expressions of yoga I have experienced. The stress each of us felt being away from home and family melted away in a collective yoga practice. Our world was chaotic, the future uncertain. We were in a real crisis and yet we were in this together. And this made all the difference. We stretched our way into peace, into a gentle acceptance of the moment as is was, in all its chaos and uncertainty. This was yoga, as it was meant to be.

And then sometime in the early afternoon, Josh arrived with the news. There was a convoy from Highway 120 heading into the Yosemite and El Portal at 3 pm. If we hurried, we just might make it through the hairpin turns of Highway 49 over the Merced River in time to join the convoy and head home. The moment was broken, and we jumped into our cars to head across the county and back home.

Of course several hours later, huddling in an unlit-unheated apartment under three sleeping bags, we all had to wonder why we ever left the warmth of the Downtown Yoga refuge. What was so compelling about getting home again?

No one looks forward to crisis. Yet I was reminded again at our recent emergency town meeting in El Portal that crisis and disaster can actually be an opportunity to build stronger community. It is at times like this, when things seems incredibly dark, that we are closest to each other. And this is yoga, the practice of union, the refuge.

On and off the Mat: What is Yoga?

What is the most common thing people think of at the mention of yoga? Several immediate responses come to mind:

A) Yoga is an exercise for people who are really flexible.
B) People who do yoga like to chant "om" and say "namaste".

C) Yoga is a big mystery: what do they do in that yoga studio?

Yoga, being fairly new to the west in terms of actual length of existence (Yoga is at least 3000- 5000 years old. Some people believe yoga is as old as 40,000 years) is full of mystery, tainted with stigmas, and also appealing as a means to become a healthier and happier person. To ask the question "What is yoga?", is to begin understanding this ancient practice. But buyer beware: The answers to that query are so vast, so full of rich detail. The answers are charged with passion, opinion, history, lore and mysticism. For me, asking the question "what is yoga?" is a vital action in my daily practice as I study, observe and experience what yoga means in my life. Answering the question from a personal perspective is like explaining what a peach tastes like, why stars matter or what love is. Those types of questions are the reason we have poetry. So to start this little journey of explaining yoga, I'd like to share my favorite poem by Rumi, the 13th century Sufi pet who had a serious knack for speaking heart and spirit through his poetry. This translation is by Coleman Barks and it is from the book Birdsong.

There is a desert

I long to be walking,

a wide emptiness

peace beyond any

understanding of it.

-Rumi

What does this poem speak of and how does it pertain to yoga? Well, when I first read this poem I was a new yoga student. In my practice I was just beginning to understand a new hunger of peace in my life. I read the poem and there was such a strong resonance of its meaning that it instantly became a theme for me. Life is full of turmoil and conflict. Humanity exists in a general state of unfairness. But there is also beauty, wisdom, joy, vitality and the generosity of human spirit. Between those states of existence there are ways to discriminate and choose the latter. I want to participate in cultivating a world of health and happiness for all of humanity. When I read this poem, something big clicked for me; that the best possible way to cultivate that world wellness was to live it. The poem feels silently deep. It may seem passive in attitude but for those on a path of awakening, stillness in the surging waters of the self, a single clear pool among our own raging rivers is where we view reflections of perfect truth. Reflections of perfect truth that can be discovered in each and every human soul show us what and who we are for real.

"I thought yoga was bunch of poses and stretches."

Yes and no.

"Well, how the heck is doing poses going to create world peace? And if there is more to it, then what is it?"

Darn good question.

Second question first:

There are many many ancient and modern writings on how to do yoga. A notable and widely embraced text is The Yoga Sutras as comprised by the sage Patanjali approximately 2000 years ago (this is subject to debate). The sutras are 196 aphorisms stating how to practice yoga in order to become enlightened. In the yoga sutras the type of yoga called Raja, or "Royal" yoga is described. The practice of Raja Yoga is described in Pantanjali's eight limbs, commonly known as Ashtanga yoga. Ashtanga means "eight limbs" and is recognized mainly as a style of yoga practice presented by (the now late) Sri K Pattabhi Jois, but practicing Ashtanga yoga is not limited to this specific style. One who follows the eight limbed path might not be a student of Pattabhi Jois' Ashtanga yoga, but it can be identified as Ashtanga nonetheless.

What are the eight limbs of Ashtanga Yoga?

The yoga student gets a lot more than the mat and and abs they bargained for when they look more deeply into what a yogi practices. For me this was such a huge delight! Learning that yoga addressed not only my body, but my heart, my soul and the soul of the world sealed the deal.
The eight limbs are as follows:

Yama: Restraints

-Ahimsa, non-violence

-Satya, truth all encompassing

-Asteya, non-stealing/ non-covetousness

-Bramachaya, sexual virtue (literal translation is celibacy)

-Aparigraha, non-hoarding/ non-greed

Niyama: Observances

-Saucha, purity

-Santosa, contentment

-Tapas, ardour

-Svadhyaya, Self study/ study of God

-Isvara Pranidhana, Self surrender/ faith/ dedication to God

Asana: Postures, meditative physical practice

Pranayama: Control of the breath

Pratyahara: Withdrawal of the senses from external stimuli

Dharana: Concentration

Dhyana: meditation on a singular focus

Samadhi: Superconsciousness, awakening, knowing singularity of self and the world

Over the next few weeks I will elaborate on the eight limbs, exploring each limb individually as well as interconnectedly. Keep an eye out for The Eight Limbs series of posts.

Now to answer that second question about how doing yoga postures or asana can be a force to change the world.

You've heard the saying, "If you want to change the world, change your mind". The saying is true in many ways, especially in reference to our perspective of the world. What we see is what we experience. In many instances (and the deeper teachings of yoga tell us in ALL instances) we can change how we see life therefore affecting the meaning of life as well as the quality of our lives. If this is true, then sign me up. I have control over my experience? I can affect the world for the better? Sold! I am lucky to be an American and afford this luxury of time, space, comfort and health to explore how yoga can be a seed of world improvement. As someone with those luxuries, I consider it to be my responsibility or more appropriately my dharma, my path as well as my karma.

Does changing the world seem daunting?

Not if we view the path of change as just that: a path. One can not complete a journey of a long path in one big step, nor just by looking at the map. We must step on to the path, then begin walking. I like to do it nature hike style, enjoying the scenery and observing it's intricacies. So if the path is yoga, the steps might begin with any of the eight limbs. My first step, like many Americans was yoga postures. I was attracted to the movement and the breathing. I loved the way it made me feel. But one cannot live in a single step for to long. The next step is always one footfall ahead. For me that step was to learn that yoga was also a spiritual practice. From there I felt the urge to run, to feel the wind on my face, my heart racing with excitement. Asana got me on the path and has since fueled me to run, walk, saunter and rest along the way.

But wait, there's more!

I don't want to acknowledge asana as a mere starting point though. Asana is an intense practice if you let it be. Here's the deal: you're focusing entirely on your breath, creating as much depth and awareness in breath as possible. The teacher is offering instructions, giving guidance on how to move and manipulate the body in ways you thought only the most fit and flexible could, but your doing it! Meanwhile you're asked to pay attention to your thoughts! Dog-gonnit, if there was one thing I wanted to avoid it was my mind-voice. But here, in my yoga practice I have learned that the only way to quiet the mind-voice is to listen to what is says...without...(drum-roll please) judgment. How is this even possible? In my practice I am judging my body, my abilities, my level of competitiveness. I am judging the fact that I am judging myself. I am telling myself how great I am, how much I suck. I am telling myself that I need to practice harder, learn more, be better! But once upon a time I would not have willingly admitted to those thoughts. Not in step aerobics, not in running, not in any of my attempts to become a more valuable person by creating a better body would I have even entertained the idea that I was judging who I am. In yoga, when the teacher reminds us over and over to observe our thoughts and feelings we resist at first, but then the True Self obeys. In those observations of thought we see not what we really are, but what the mind thinks we are and should be. Thoughts and beliefs are dis-empowered, and we see that they are creation of ego. How powerful is that?

We live in one place only, through our whole lives.

This place is our individual bodies. Think about it. If you are in Yosemite and looking at a waterfall, you feel blissful and amazed. You might think "I am feeling this in Yosemite." But you are only feeling it in your sense of perceptions and that exists in your body. You feel it through your sight sense, and what you sense through your vision when you watch the cascading movement of water over magnificent stones creates peace, pleasure and awe. Peace, pleasure and awe are not in that waterfall, they are in you. You may feel a misty breeze as your skin senses movement of air and coldness. This is because of your touch sense. Your sense of touch is yours and yours alone. What you feel when moisture comes in contact with your skin happens not in those drops of water, but in you. You may hear the sound of water gushing, splashing and flowing. Then you might feel energized and invigorated. Invigoration is something that happens in your body and you respond to it because you recognize it. And only what is already known is recognizable is it not? If you want to know, "if this only happens in one place, my body, why does my experience change because of where I am, what I am doing and the event surrounding me?" One obvious reason is that we are constantly choosing different experiences for the sake of feeling different things. Another is more like going back to the question "Why does a peach taste like a peach?" When we experience the delight of a waterfall and think the waterfall is an experience that we are separate from , then we cannot experience the interconnectedness of the universe. When we realize that the energy and invigoration that seems to come from the waterfall is actually our own, we can then understand the waterfall to be an aspect of ourselves. The body moves and that gives the illusion of going to and being in different places. But can you not see the waterfall in your mind's eye? Can you not feel it in your heart? Wherever you choose to be at any given moment is where you choose to be in your body. How you experience life is a reflection of what inherently exists within you already. All this I have learned from my asana practice.

There are of course very sensitive and hard questions that must be asked about this conclusion: What about people who suffer severe poverty, disease, starvation, unclean living conditions? It is because of yoga that I feel I can explore these facts of life without judgment. If I am aware of and affected by these realities, that means that they are a part of my own disease to be healed. It is as much my responsibility to practice yoga for those who suffer deeply as it is for "myself".

So we circle back to the eight limbs.

The eight limbs are a guide for virtuous living. Virtuous living is better for the whole planet, for all people, for all living things. When we practice ahimsa, we recognize the importance of loving kindness, of gentleness of keeping anger and hatred in check. In bramacharya, sexuality is not so much of a distraction from the rest of the world, rather a sacred aspect of who we are. It is revered rather than abused. when we practice pranayama we recognize the profoundness in our choice to be alive, to make a decision to perform the life-sustaining action of breathing. In Dhyana, we acknowledge the need to understand who we are through meditation. For how can we know our children, our neighbors or our global community if we do not know our own minds?

There are endless benefits to this practice we call yoga. All of that and yoga still does not judge or decide what is more or less important. Start with something. Do that one practice forever or learn other practices as well. It does not matter. It is nice to know that here in the west, where there is lots of ridicule for the way we practice, the deeper lessons of yoga are unfolding as naturally as waterfalls pour over cliffs. And it is in large part of the practice we started on our mats: yoga asana.

Weather these things are of big or little interest to you, I hope that you have a better understanding of yoga. If you find that your are even more intrigued, join the club! Yoga is described in the Yoga Sutras by Pantanjali as sarvabhauma, meaning "all world". It is described as a practice fit for anyone who is interested. Today I want to thank you for sharing your interest by reading this! Tomorrow, look for more as I delve into the meanings and practises of each of the eight limbs of yoga.

Aum shanti,

-Jen

Your view on the guru

What is a guru?

T. Krishnamacharya: Teacher of BKS Iyengar and

Sri K. Patabbhi Jois Parmhansa Yogananda, founder of the Self Realization Fellowship

Amma, a living modern day saint and guru

I recently posed this question to some friends:
. What does "guru" mean? How does one become a guru? Do you have a guru? Is the concept of the guru confusing or clear to you? When you think of the word guru, who do you think of right away? Would a guru ever call themselves a guru? Do they have to know they are a guru to be one?

I received some wonderfully thoughtful and insightful answers. And an interesting thing happened as this conversation developed. I realized I have had many gurus in my life. The people who have represented the guru to me have come into my life most perfectly showing me things about myself that I was ready to see. I got permission from my friends to share their answers. Here they are:

"In the Patanjali Yoga sutras it says there is One Guru for all time. It, according to the Shiva Sutras, is the grace bestowing power of God, the aspect of Spirit that brings us home. It literally means the "remover of Darkness"
The highest Gurus act as a channel for this divine wisdom and light. Life itself reaches out to us as Guru if we invite Spirit to help us grow and expand and can here the voice of every event and circumstance.I've found that, despite teaming up with the universal power, that all Gurus have some personality of their own which often has what others consider flaws. That's the nature of this dense reality, so don't expect absolute conceptual perfection in anyone, even if somebody does an amazing job of themselves."

-Karl Baba

"A Guru, in generally is a person with extensive knowledge, skill, and ability; based on experience, or occupation for a particular area of study, or research.
To answer your question would a guru call themselves a “guru”:
we’d picture them to be humble and selfless. this just may not be the case. Heck I’ve been dubbed on occasion as “GURU”. Honestly; to pass the title so easily, a complete A__Hole could qualify as “GURU”. To be knowledgeable and humble is enlightenment."
-Aaron Dunson

"A few people come to mind when I think of this term. One is my therapist, who I rely on for more than helping me sort my thought & feelings. She also helps with meditation, yoga, Ayurveda hook ups, as well as spiritual balance and perspective. Other one is a teacher and friend who is yogi, she has spent her life traveling, learning and practicing all aspects of yoga. She is knowledgeable in Ayurveda and has been influential in helping bring me back to center when I'm wandering. She keeps me educated and up to date on events to encourage my practice and well being. Among so many other things they are both very similar yet extremely different. Over the last few years anytime someone directs me along the path I seemingly should be following so steadily I'm almost delivered that opportunity directly. My therapist & I spoke of Ayurveda therapy and practicing yoga and meditation more regularly and a few days later I met Adelfa a Yogi & Ayurvedic practitioner, the one I'm traveling to India with. It seems I'm attracting people to aid in the path have been searching for. Or I'm finally in the right place mentally that I can see what I may have been missing all along. ♥ "
-Carly Dodge

"This question is truly close to my heart as I have been exploring this so much lately. I have found that for me, guru is a teacher. God is everything, so God is also guru. The guru teaches you to open your heart to God by first opening your heart to guru. One must cleanse their soul before they can ascend. The purest way to this, is through the heart. A guru is a teacher, but how do you teach someone to open their heart? Unconditional love flowing to the student as well as experiences with the divine. Amma has been instrumental in showing me the difference between divine love and human love. One is conditional. The other is not in any way, and that can be felt fully. We always have love for each other, but it seems to serve some purpose for us. Even our love for ourselves...We don't love the bad. W love the good. With Amma I feel none of that. I have had my moments of "What the hay is going on?", but never have I been able to walk away from her. She is my teacher, and that is mostly felt on the subtle level for me. Being in her presence is powerful, but I feel my strongest connection in the realm of spirit. "

-Kristy Brown

Wikipedia defines Guru (Sanskrit) as "One who is regarded as having great knowledge, wisdom and authority in a certain area, and who uses it to guide others....Finding a true guru is often held to be a prerequisite for attaining self-realization"

In Richard Freeman's The Yoga Matrix
the guru is described as "The remover of darkness...the darkness of ignorance". Richard tells us that the word guru itself means heavy; defining that heaviness as ".. not moved by the changing phenomenon of the world". As students we "..initially orbit[s] around the guru attracted by the immense gravitational field of the teacher". Based on that description, I totally get it! Yes, I have found a teacher, a guru, and can count many people in my life as having been gurus who somehow drew me in with what level of truth they were fully in touch with as individuals.

The ego driven world is constantly telling us who we are and what we should be. And it is our sense of ego itself that identifies with and defines those expectations and projections. As people of the world on a whole, we may just be going around showing each other images of unrealistic expectations of ourselves. We identify with images of that which is not who we really are. It causes us to suffer greatly; taking these images of what we think we should be, trying to become things that cannot last. Things like younger, richer...and on a sub-conscious level: immortal. We cannot "be" any of these things as individuals. And what we strive for egoically we state that we "are" rich, young, etc. But what we really "are" cannot be reduced to to egoic desires. We plug along chasing an illusory carrot. As the very nature of ego is to love illusion, we may purposefully not grab the carrot out of fear that we will learn the truth of it, that it is not real. Or maybe we think the carrot is not really for us anyway, so we curse it because we cannot have it. Either way chasing or running from that carrot is the same as running to and from our gurus at the same time. That is precisely how I stumbled upon yoga. It is exactly why my life in inexplicably what it is. That is what the guru, or teacher, is for.

Gurus show us a clear reflection of what we think we should see without egoic fear of the consequences of discovering that the carrot has been unreal all along. Gurus hold up mirrors for us, not images painted by ego, without telling us what to see or what we look like. This is how we glimpse and eventually see who we really are, which is to say nothing that can really be spoken or written about because what we experience in those reflections is Pure Consciousness. A wordless, thoughtless image-less expression.

We all have a concept of what the Guru is. And therein lies the imperfection and very nature of concepts. Is a guru a perfect being? How can they be? In reversal of the famous proverb: to be human is to err. Divinity lies in non-judgment of all things earthly existent. The guru is not perfect, but has had to learn to see what is real beneath the illusion. And how else would we at first relate to a guru other than recognition of humanness? The idea of guru is a creation of the mind, of ego, yet without conceptualization what would we have to ground ourselves into as we seek the center of Pure Consciousness from which it all came? We must conceptualize the guru so we can find the guru. As for me, I have discovered someone who holds hold that mirror. I am very grateful for the conceptualization of what can actually have no concept. And in case you haven't noticed: irony doesn't affect me much. That is what I have been learning from my teacher, a small yet growing sense of that weighted heaviness. A feeling of being grounded into earthly reality yet completely connected with the ethereal. And so I think it is student who defines guru. Because through recognition of one's own sense of divinity, we are able to recognize what inspires divine opening, insight and eventually awakening.

Who is your guru? Do you have one? Does the concept of guru resonate with you? What else? The Yoga Teacher Blogspot wants to know. Thanks for reading!

-Jen

more on the definition of:

Wikipedia description guru

Sunday Breakfast Ritual: photos and recipes

Savory Double Potatoes












Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
-4 large russet potatoes, peeled and cut into 2" chunks
-4 cups Strong stock (mushroom, veg or beef)
-Olive oil
-Black Pepper
Bring stock to a boil, add potatoes, reduce heat and simmer until al dente (@ 20 min). Drain well, preserving stock for your gravy. spread potatoes out in casserole, allowing to "dry", about 5 minutes. Drench (yes drench, not drizzle) potatoes in olive oil, about 1/4 cup, then toss gently. They will absorb much of the oil. Before putting potatoes in oven sprinkle with fresh pepper to your liking and drizzle top of potatoes with more oil. Cook potatoes in oven uncovered for 20 minutes, then remove and turn to brown on other side. Return to oven and bake until edges are deep golden; about 20 minutes. Serve with eggs any style, topped with your favorite gravy and fresh chives or chopped parsley (a *must*!). I like to add sauteed mushroom or Niman Ranch balck forest ham. This is really best all in one pile as you will see below. Also really tasty with the addition of cheese melted on top..of course!

Lemon Rice Pudding













-1.5 cups dry long grain rice (Basmati or jasmine)
-3 Cups milk (rice, almond, soy, cow, whatever)
-3/4 cup sugar
-2 eggs
-Juice of 1 lemon, plus zest (optional)
-2 tbs butter, softened
-1 tbs vanilla extract
-1 package favorite fresh berries or 1/2 cup berry preserves to top
-handful of toasted nuts (pistachio, almond or macadamia are nice)
-1/4 tsp nutmeg
Prepare rice according to package directions, Transfer to 4 quart dutch oven or large sauce pan. Add milk and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. Reduce heat to med-low simmer, cover pot. Blend sugar, eggs, butter, lemon and vanilla in a bowl big enough to fit double the ingredients. Blend well with a wire whisk. Prepare ice bath: In a bowl large enough to fit a second bowl inside, place 3 cups ice then fill bowl with enough water to cover ice completely. Set aside. Uncover simmering rice blend and add a couple ladles full of the rice to the sugar-egg blend stirring. This is called tempering and it keeps you egg from becoming itty-bitty scrambled chunks, which is yucky. Now pour the tempered egg mixture back into the pot. Stirring constantly (scrape the bottom!) bring pudding to high heat. The pudding will thicken and begin to boil, but you will have to watch for thick inconsistent bubbling as it will not appear the same as boiling soup or water. Allow pudding to boil while stirring for 1 minute, then pour into the bowl which will fit into your ice bath. Place the pudding bowl into the ice bath and continue stirring for about 3 minutes, until pudding has cooled slightly. Serve warm or chilled topped with berries and toasted nuts. Yum-ola!

Thanks for the help boys!

Yay! Breakfast is ready!

Notice the teapot theme on my P.J. pants. I really wanted you to see that! I love those pajamas.

MY plate!!! Savory Double Potatoes, Sauteed mushrooms, poached egg and brown breakfast grraaaaveeee. Topped with chives! Oh, don't forget the sourdough toast for soaking up all that gravy. Sorry there is no gravy recipe here, but I eyeball this and add lots of random things. Here are some tips:
-Make a red wine sauce (Google it) with your remaining stock.
-Make gravy just like thanksgiving day, but add lots of fresh herbs like thyme, savory, parsley and basil.
-Add a little tomato sauce or juice to your gravy recipe for an added punch of flavor. Also, a dash of soy sauce, Worcestershire or splash of balsamic vinegar for a flavor kick.

Nico tells stories...

...

...

Isaiah just eats.

You gonna eat those potatoes Joe?

Post your food and yoga questions here! If you are thinking of asking it, so is somebody else. I'd love to find answers for you! Thanks for reading. Peace, -Jen

The Death of a Friend and the Experience of Yoga

I lost a friend recently. My friend Cynthia was talented. A deep thinker, a questioner of all things existent, Cynthia was brilliant. Intelligent was an understatement when it came to Cynthia Smith. And though Cynthia was brilliant, she also struggled. I got to spend time with Cynthia in her best times, and she sometimes shyly opened up to me during her dark times. This last December of 2010 when Cynthia passed, the cause of her death was both mysterious and also very clear. Considering she struggled with life itself, though the details of her passing may never completely surface, all the evidence (which I won't elaborate on) points to her taking her own life and in my heart I am sure that is what happened.


It has been over a month since Cynthia's passing. And though I have lost loved ones before, I have never lost such a close friend so tragically. To add to my experience of tragedy, our last interaction which happened over a year ago led me to believe that we may not actually be able to be friends any longer. But something happens when a friendship fallen-out ends due to the loss of one of those people's lives. I discovered that there was no way ever, that we could have not been friends. Because I loved Cynthia deeply. True friendship based on love is much like the True Self. It needs nothing to sustain it. For regardless of all events, the bond remains. Only our attitudes, or our thinking, can change. Grudges count as part of the attitude and I believe that what Cynthia and I had developed were grudges against one another. This has of course effected how I feel about losing Cynthia. More importantly it has effected how I feel about the type of friend I want to be. And I was far from the perfect friend (we all are sometimes!) I wanted to share a few insights that I have gained from experiencing this loss.


I have been practicing bhakti yoga, which is to say the yoga of devotion. The idea itself can be misleading as many people view bhakti as a religious devotion to God devoid of the asana we so adore in the west. But we can practice devotion to whatever we believe God to be. So if you perceive asana to be the divine earthly representation of God, then you can practice bhakti through asana. Lately I have developed a strong sense that God not only exists in all things, but that we can experience God most powerfully through our relationships. Devotion to relationships has become my bhakti...I have long way to go! This loss, given its circumstances is proving to he a gigantic lesson in my deepest spiritual beliefs. And as such a loss does, it has caused me to question what I truly believe. The biggie: could yoga have healed my friend? And if so, why didn't it? Alas, yoga is and has healed me. But here's the thing; I chose yoga and to make the question even more complicated, the fact is that I chose yoga because it seemed to have chosen me. And my healing process began a long time ago, before Cynthia was gone. Yoga can only heal what is hurt. So any wounds inflicted are bound to be tested by my practice.


Like many, I have always believed in speaking only kindly of others and truthfully to them. But have I truly practiced this? I have not. Looking back on certain interactions that seem harmless, I realize that on a deeper level I have participated in unkind speech regarding my friend. I was also dishonest with her about "little things". In retrospect, my dishonesty seemed tiny at the time, but now I know, that though it takes real courage, full-on honesty (in which kindness is employed) is never regrettable. Am I beating myself up over it? I am not. I do have some regret, but it is the kind of regret that creates change. I am grateful to have it so profoundly brought to my attention by means of loss. I realize now what kind of friend I want to be, not just for myself, but for the entire world. Every single interaction we have with each other creates a reaction. Reaction is a form of action itself and like dominoes there is no end to the consequence of one action. No end at all. Not from the beginning of time. This is the law of karma, and when you think of karma that way, like the domino effect, you can see how it is not just about you as an individual. Like a wave in the ocean, we may each represent one molecule of water, but we are all part of the same wave.


The most phenomenal thing about this experience is that though I am grieving, I am also deeply peaceful. This sense of peace comes from knowing that nothing in earthly existence is permanent. We work so hard to preserve so many things; the earth, beloved objects, our youth, and our relationships. But all must come to an end. And what is left of the impermanent is what can never be destroyed. That is Pure Consciousness where, according to yogic views, we are destined to dissolve into. To dissolve into Pure Consciousness is self-realization. In self-realization we know that we are not truly the self-oriented, individualistic creatures we believe ourselves to be. To dissolve into pure consciousness is to know that I, you and my friend are one and the same. That when we grieve because we lose someone, the grieving comes because we feel certain we have lost a part of ourselves. We are both right and wrong. The loss like everything else is temporary. Because what is real can never be destroyed. Only the egoic connection, the belief that existence on earth is what connected us, is destroyed and we struggle to all ends trying to make sense of what feels like an amputation. But if you lost your arm, would not still be you? Though our cells and every element of our bodies is constantly dying and being reborn, then is this body who you really are? Discovering the True Self, and understanding the connection with all of humanity that is eternal begins with understanding that we are not the bodies we think we are.


I am beginning to really understand the benefits of my yoga asana practice. Sometimes we need to act physically when dealing with great challenges. Yoga for me, has provided a practice for dealing with the pain that comes into the body which is always accompanied by emotional pain. So I treated my self to a deeply spiritual yoga practice full of joy and pain, dedicated to my friend as well as to myself. I felt the emotional pain of my experience safely flood my body with each breath. I was able to release some of that pain by exhaling. For each pose that came with ease I was reminded of how easy love affairs with friends can be. With each challenge, each point of wanting to be done with certain poses, I was reminded that friendships come in a single package, and what comes in them is inseparable; the pleasant from the unpleasant. Yoga has and continues to teach me that skillful, conscious breathing with each and every life challenge acts as a vessel upon which I might travel across the sometimes calm and other times raging ocean of this life. Breath is as much the ship as it is the life preserver. Yoga has provided me with myriad practices that help me perceive life from the viewpoint of the true-self. All is temporary, and nothing that is real can ever be lost, changed or die.
The game here on earth is hide and seek with that truth. For my friend Cynthia, I think she was done counting and calling out "Ready or not, here I come!", then feeling at a loss for where truth and joy were hiding. For some reason, those two made themselves very elusive to her. I do know that I will continue to share the effect yoga has had on my life. And if through me, people stumble upon it as a practice that makes their life a better place, then I feel more purposeful and grateful for it. But I have to accept that one thing I cannot believe is that my beliefs could have saved her. Because the fact is that they did not. Nor did her own spiritual beliefs. No, I only know that what I believe and practice has thus far been able to save me.
Many blessings,
-Jen

Sunday Breakfast Ritual

Here's the part where I write about something that makes me insanely happy...just because I feel like it.



If any random person were to ask me what my favorite day, activity or part of the week was, it would take no more than one second for me to answer: Sunday morning-ish. Ah, better just say Sunday. See, a couple of years ago I made a general commitment to stay home every Sunday, consume a criminal amount of coffee and an equally criminal breakfast type brunch meal. In the "criminality" of it all, I am allowed a full day to bask in the charm of my family while partaking in the gift of food.


Sunday usually begins with a mild attempt to sleep in. But Isaiah, my four year old is expert at making sure I don't sleep too long as he crawls int bed with me around 8am snuggling up momentarily then demanding "Get up Momma." I usually grudgingly oblige and as we make our way out to the living room Isaiah holds hims arms up commanding me once again "Carry me to the couch Momma." But that's not the last of it because the final request is that we cuddle on the couch. He must know me well, because the moment I insist that I need to get up to make coffee he lets me go and gets up to play. My husband Joe and older son Nico are quite the champion "sleeper-inners", all sound and motion drifts past them like the lofty dreams they must be lost in. They must be dreaming of Sunday morning itself!


Part two of Sunday morning is where I sit on the couch with my coffee reading Oprah, Martha Stewart or some candy fashion magazine which does nothing but entertain me. Ahhh, life is good on the couch every Sunday at 9am. Where's the breakfast you say? Isn't it 9am already? Well, around here we like to make it sort of an all-day affair, so better to start later. Anyways, before the meal portion of Sunday begins there are several other obligations: Let the cat in and the dog out. Watch She-Ra or Clone Wars or Robotek (yes, Robotek). Let the cat out and the dog in. Break up some tiffs between our boys who are probably tiffing because they are hungry (hey, it has it's charms). Use brushing teeth as a means to distract boys from argument over watching Elmo or even more Clone Wars. Let the cat in and the dog out. Realize the pets are whining because they too, are hungry and aren't really asking to be let in and out. Feed pets. 10 am rolls around. And finally...MUST - MAKE - PANCAKES. And soon, or else the morning loses it's "charm".


SO I finally get around to making breakfast. Did I mention that this is may all-time favorite meal, ever? And having cooked professionally for about 15 years and still counting (many of them doing lots of breakfasts!) , this is sort of my time to bust a move in the kitchen. I mean, heck I've got all day!

Breakfast. Often it's good old fashioned pancakes with butter and warmed maple syrup, more coffee, and fresh orange juice. Okay, "fresh" from a can of frozen O.J., but I do put it in a really nice pitcher! On occasion, Belgian waffles with fresh berries and sour cream, Niman Ranch bacon and fried eggs. When I'm feeling supper snazzy I like to make fancy breakfasts like I did at Chateau Du Sureau when I prepared breakfast for their hotel guests. This would be something like roasted ruby-red grapefruit crusted brown sugar and brandied cherries as a first course. Hey, if you really want your breakfast to seem hoidy toidy, you have to serve it in courses! For the next course, seared herb polenta with perfectly poached eggs, Black Forest ham on top all doused in red-wine porcini sauce. Sometimes I make crepes Suzette which is stuffed with raspberries and sugar. Sometimes I make French toast with old bread. I thoroughly enjoy the process of heating the griddle, cracking eggs and even cleaning up as I work. In the act of preparing food, everyone thinks I am oblivious to their existence. I listen to the banter of my boys, the chatter of Joe and the sizzle of bacon. I turn a pancake and Isaiah hums a tune while he fidgets with Legos. I mix the juice and Nico shouts "Dad, watch this!" while he does some crazy Ninja jump from the couch. I set the table and Joe cracks up over the hilarity of kids. This is a day and time set aside for pure joy and nothing but.


I have this ad stuck in my head as a result of my loose habit of paroozing all manner of not-so-life-enriching magazines. It is an ad for a cruise. The picture is of a couple sitting on their balcony over looking a stunning view of Alaskan glaciers. The table in front of them is set for breakfast with white table cloths and beautiful china. When I first saw this ad I was a new mom in need of a break. I stared at the cruise ad for quite a while, finally understanding why people went on them. It's not just to do nothing I'm sure. It's to experience that sense of indulgence and luxury that many of us crave and all deserve. That ad struck a nerve in me. A nerve that came with instructions: On Sunday, when the week both ends and begins, in the morning when there is freshness and all things are possible, that is the time to relish all "normal" things that I most enjoy in life. And it's an immense reminder to me. The things I most enjoy are simple and unfathomably precious: time with my children and my husband, appreciation of good food, and forgetting the troubles of my immediate world as well as the bigger world. Everyone deserves this, especially people who are experiencing deep struggles.

When it's finally time to eat, the table is dressed in white. Favorite plates are set and silverware rests on cloth napkins. I beam at my feast and pour orange juice into jelly jars. Coffee gurgles once again as a second pot brews. There is festivity about our home. Whether it's eggs Benedict or flapjacks, the table is set as though we are royalty or as though it is Christmas day. Everyone literally cheers as I call out "Come to the table! Breakfast is ready!" And that alone is worth the effort. There we sit in our pajamas doing the most important thing in the whole world, enjoying our lives. As is often said, but less often practiced: There is no time like the present. The time I dedicate to practicing the yoga of being in the present is every Sunday morning, when it is simple enough for a beginner like me.

Stay tuned with The Yoga Teacher for breakfast recipes, photos and more. Coming soon!

Change, Courage and Making it Happen

Many of us are on a mission to re-vamp our lives for the up-coming year. But most people who create lengthy lists of resolutions will sadly fail at making their visions reality. Why? I believe we are over-come with collective motivation. All at once, the masses decide to over-haul their lives and do almost everything differently! Lose weight, save money, make more money, get healthy, learn to surf, run a marathon. We want so badly to do all of these things in quest for the ultimate achievement: happiness. We embark on what feels to be an exciting journey with expectation and curiosity. For about a week after New Year's day, we collectively throw ourselves into life changing patterns of behavior and then...

And then life continues as usual. The world around us behaves exactly as it always did and the way we behaved in the past is the most comfortable means of continuing interaction with everyone in our lives. Part of the fear of change is knowing our desire to change may elicit negativity in others, most especially family and friends even when we want something good for ourselves. When we change on a deeper level there is a noticeable shift in how we live and those people lose a certain part of connectivity with us, and we lose it with them too. For instance, we may lose an eating or gossiping buddy. That fear can feel crippling and the people in our lives feel inadvertently betrayed. So instead of being supportive, they may actually make sub-conscious attempts to sabotage your efforts. And in your fear of losing someone, you may do the sabotage all by your self.

I like many, used to fall victim to the 100-goal resolution list every year. And every year, no more than a week would go by when I'd buckle and every habit that provided my creature with the comfort of familiarity would return. Every year disappointment showed up at my door like a pathetic moocher needing a couch to crash on. And every year I'd sigh and say to disappointment, "Come on in, let's have a stiff drink while we lick our wounds". Phew, that sounded super pathetic. But it's true. I could not for the life of me create the change I wanted. So I stopped making resolutions. And having had a ten year or so break, I'm back. But the way I resolve to change itself, has changed.

See, through my studies and practice of yoga I started to realize that no problem is EVER what it appears to be on the surface. EVER. And so to think that simply motivating to create change by changing the surface appearance of problems won't work either. The more we attempt these changes without actually exploring what seed the problem has rooted from, the more discouraged we become. It's like noticing a weed in the garden and saying"Oh, look at that weed. I hate it. It's ruining my garden. I am going to chop it off." As we all know, the appearance of the weed bothers us, but it is the roots of the weed that cause the real damage. We feel like failures. We feel incapable and inferior, when that is not at all true. It's just that looking at the problems that cause the problems seems daunting and, well, scary. For instance, as someone who has lost weight (and now keep it off) it took realizing that I was padding myself with fat to protect me from experiencing physically intimate relationships. I was afraid of my own sexuality. I also ate to distract myself from a deeply unhappy adolescence. The same can be said for my former smoking and drinking habits. Once I realized that I was hiding myself in fat and slowly killing myself in order to avoid certain aspects of life, I also realized that I needed courage to embark on real romantic relationships and distance myself from the home I grew up in.

To take it a step further, I had to understand what exactly courage is. Courage is not fearlessness. It is not bravery. Courage is way beyond all of that. Courage requires faith. Faith in whatever happens because what you are doing is frightening and you will feel scared and want to quit. Courage is not something you do...rather it is that special energy that gets you through the scariness. It reminds us that "this to, shall pass"' whatever it is. Courage invites us to experience fear and pain and explore their meaning. Courage does not look ahead or behind, it can only exist in the present. Courage walks with you in steps that are as tiny as you need them to be, but it also tells you when you can go bigger. If your goal looks like a big pool of frightening possibilities, then courage is the stroke you use to swim across. Courage is what we instill every step of the way with. It is a whispering voice that says "Yes" to you over and over again. The job of courage is simply to en-courage.

Courage continues, year by year to be a constant in my life. I find that sometimes I need more, and sometimes less. But it is an unfaltering friend and ally.


So as 2011 approached I asked myself where I find fault in my life. The answers were easy to come by, because I used courage to examine myself with a gentle yet discriminating heart. I found that I often leave things half finished, leaving loose ends at work and home. I fiddle around on with social networking and web-surf longer than I should. I often manage my time unwisely. I procrastinate on important things because I often fear the outcome of the choices I may make, as though any outcome could be "wrong". Yoga has taught me that there can be no wrong outcome. I get to choose my reaction to the outcome. So the surface appearance of my resolution is fast decision making and action...knowing full-well I will make mistakes. But the deeper resolution is actually learning to surrender to every situation and every moment without anxiety.

Now that I have learned a more sophisticated approach to change, I was able create guidelines for myself that will help me along the way. For instance, I put myself on a strict "computer time limit diet". This means 20 minutes for social networking and several other reasonable limits I set for myself. Two days in so far and I am so glad to not be staring at facebook for 1 hour straight...or more. And the best thing is that I now really understand what it means to resolve to do something. Resolve itself requires courage, and a "no looking back" attitude. It requires me to experience the inevitable, but temporary discomforts of change. And all of this means what we are all egtting after: happiness, contentedness, a sense of accomplishment.

Change Always starts with a little (or a LOT of) courage. I'd love to hear how courage has effected your life. When do you most need courage? What are your goals for 2011 and how will you achieve them? What other elements will be involved getting the results you seek? And most importantly, what now, in your life is so good that you feel compelled to change? What are some effective ways you have created lasting change in your life? I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments.

May you have a most blessed, prosperous and peaceful year,
-Jen